There comes a time...

Sometimes you meet someone who fits your life perfectly. The laughter, the stories, the smiles, the time spent together, a connection so epic it makes your heart beat to a new rhythm. You don't intend on falling but you do. You attempt to go with the flow and just allow things to remain the same, but you simply can't help the human nature of feelings and how easily they can control you. The truth is out now and it becomes a little strange. You continue trying and start to see a little change. The stories get deeper, your connection grows and you find out that you are spoken of to others outside of your circle. You want to do everything to make this person smile but they continuously have their guard up.

You try to understand that they may have had a rough time with love. You lie to yourself and say you can change them. Tell yourself that if you stand by and support them, things will change. You can see how they look at you sometimes and feel the emotion but also see how easily the look changes so they are protected from what may be a painful experience. You still hold true to yourself and make sure they know you are there for them. You are hopeful. You fall deeper. You allow yourself to start the illusions of grandeur. Knowing the person you are and what you can mean to the one that lets you in, you want to be the world for them. You want to show them how they should be treated and the kind of life they deserve.

Yet, you start to realize that the connection you once had, has started to become nothing but a good friendship. You try to reach out as you had become accustomed to and are met with excuses to why you no longer see each other as you used to. The conversations go from passionate to bland. You can see that the feelings are there but you can see the reservations in their eyes. It has become a one sided affair. It is you that has the heart and soul ready to give it all. Yet, you can't give all to someone who is guarded. You can't allow yourself to continue to waste away while your feelings aren't reciprocated.

There comes a time when you must cut your losses and move on. Sometimes that connection will lead to an incredible friendship. That friendship may just mold into a beautiful connection that will be everlasting. A great friendship can be better than a mediocre romance. The statement "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be" has never been truer. Think about it this way, if you can be the person they need to overcome their pain by simply being their friend, what greater gift can you receive but to see their happiness.

Love is never greedy...maybe that's a lesson a lot can stand to learn.

Love or Epidemic?

It seems there is an epidemic upon us. Love has become so easily attainable and so easily forgotten. Since when did the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship equal a long and everlasting love? It sickens me how easily people forget about each other to be with someone new. Juggling people like toys. Enjoying a person's company is great. That connection you get easily with a new person. The phone conversations, the dates, waking up thinking of that exciting emotion. That is not love. It is liking someone. You cannot foresee a life long connection after a few weeks, even months.

I can definitely understand how great the new feeling is, one person annoys you so someone new grasps your attention, you must keep in mind that your true love annoys you and gets under your skin because they know you. They know every little thing that bothers you. It's why love is so hard to maintain, the person that you allow into your heart fully will always be the one person that can drive you from love to hate in 2.4 seconds. Love can be so ugly, it can be painful, it can drive you insane, but it is such an amazing force that everything else can be forgotten almost immediately.

How can people enjoy going from person to person just to get away from who they really love. Being afraid to be alone is no reason to be with everyone. Life is a balance, if you don't have any bad moments how are you supposed to cherish the good moments? No relationship is perfect. No relationship is free of fights. Any two people that have been together for a very long time will tell you that they are happy but it was blood, sweat and tears to get there. Love is worth all the pain.

Nothing worthwhile is easy. Love is the only shocking act left on this planet. Treat it properly and it will reward you greatly!

Strength

Strength; Is defined as 'The quality or state of being strong, in particular'

Why is it that when you need strength the most you are turned into a scared child all over again?

What is so unnerving about uncertainty that we remain in a situation knowing it is not what we want? As adults, we are told, we will be smarter but we can never find the strength to do what must be done for our happiness until we have been dredged through the mud countless times. A chance to just breathe, to live, after being torn down again and again by greediness and a complete disregard for my feelings. Am I asking for too much to save my sanity?

Holding on to something to ensure that my son is always happy. Have I forgotten that if I am not happy, he won't be either one day? He needs to see his mother happy and healthy. It is not fair to him that he sees my tears at times. He continuously tells me that he will always be here for me. Asks me to not cry. Asks me if I love him. I have to reassure my 5 year old about my feelings for him because he can sense the pain I am in. I'm not sure what my next move should be. Do I take the road that will lead to pain and confusion for others but set me free? Do I maintain hopeful that I can move on, knowing that my faith grows dimmer by the second.

When did I become an enabler? How did I allow myself to come this far and start losing myself in the process of trying to keep someone else happy? Always snapping at someone, can't sleep, headaches everyday...am I killing myself slowly by allowing this to continue? If I am seeing this now, can I change it? Where is my strength when I need it? I truly do hope it will all work itself out someday...


The time is now for strength and I can find not one ounce of it.

A letter from my heart...

You can't help but be yourself...

I know all of my faults and accept them all.

I'm aware of my negativity, my brutal honesty, my strong opinions and my sometimes judgmental nature, yet, of one thing I am certain, regardless of my negativity, I am a full blown romantic...

I can't help but want to be around the person who has that connection that makes my heart beat slower and faster with just the thought of them.

I don't agree at all with men who want to tell you things just to get you in bed and then go away. The games you play with people will come back to haunt you.

People come in and out of your life for many reasons...I have a strong belief that your heart knows exactly what it wants no matter the circumstance...

I've been through so much and had my heart toyed with so many times and, yet, I know my true love is out there. I will continue to go through whatever I must in order to reach my happy ending...

I've been sentimental recently because my Father's birthday is coming up and he and my mother showed me what true love really was. 27 years of marriage before his demise. Not one day did I ever see anything but love between them.

I am so certain of my ability to make a man the happiest man on this planet, but I will not settle for a man that does not make my heart beat beside his own...

A man will truly show you he cares no matter how busy he may be. Writing a letter, sending a text, an email, or a short phone call. In this the age of technology there is no valid excuse to ignore the one you're interested in.

It's a painful reality when you connect with someone and see it fail.

Hold true to your feelings, they are valid...we have hearts because they are meant to love others, in many different degrees.

No romantic feeling is invalid but true courage is having the strength to follow your heart even if it leads to pain.

I'm so tired...

I was told my entire life that I should be honest. That I should never be anyone but myself and never worry about what others think of me. I grew up afraid to be myself because I had been shunned. I finally came into who I really am at the age of 18. I opened my eyes and decided to always live how I so choose and that will make people accept me.

Little did I know this honesty would be my downfall. Time and time again I would meet a guy, let him know how I am and what I expect, only to see him toy with my emotions and disappear. I am so tired of the lack of respect. Just be honest.

I'm so tired of always being nice and being disrespected continually. I hate hearing that I'm "so different" that they had to cheat on me...wtf is that? How can I possibly be this nice and loyal but get treated like dirt because you can't handle it?

No one ever gives a flying fuck about my feelings...Its so easy to label me as a hoe, a bitch, a tramp and any other term used to judge a woman like me, but no one actually sees me for who I am. It's come to the point where it seems I'm going to have to suppress who I am to find one man on this planet that won't hurt me.

How is it that you can fill my head with words and treat me nicely only to disappear when I let you in. Why don't we just stop wasting time and you can be a man and tell me what you really want. I'm a grown woman and I can take it. I hate these games. I'm a good woman.

I know how a man should be treated. I want to do everything for a man. I bend over backwards to make a man happy and I feel like they just spit at my heart and walk away.

So my honesty is an issue? The fact that I want to please a man in every way makes me a bad person? I don't play games. When I am interested I am...thats it...no puzzles, no games, no deciphering female terminology, just pure interest. Yet I am cast aside and ignored for girls who are quiet and, yet, are doing worst things than I am.

Here's the kicker though...this is what truly pisses me off because it ALWAYS happens, I am ignored, cast aside..blah blah blah... THEN; some time passes and they come back with apologies and sweet words. -_____________-

I WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOU DID NOTHING!!!!!!!

Now I'm supposed to drop my life and run into your arms because you're back? You realized how easygoing, down to earth and "perfect" I am so you came back? Really?

I'm so over the games people play. Girls play so many games that women like me are misjudged yet wanted all at the same time. I tried to be nice and get labeled as trying to trap you into a relationship...so now I can't even send terms of endearment towards you to brighten your day lest it mean that I want to get married? Jesus, I was just being nice...

I'm cast aside for being sexual but when I'm nice, I am trying to force a relationship..smh...at this point I just don't want Love anymore...I'm tired of trying...tired of saying what I want and never getting it. I will NOT settle for less than I deserve and if it means going my whole life alone then so be it. I won't even worry about sending nice texts to others and showing my nice side. You want some girl to play games with then go ahead and play. I'm the kind of woman you come after when you want a real life.

I'm so tired...

...

There comes a time when you realize that your effort will not be noticed...
A time when you must face the cruel realization that you don't get everything you want...
What is one to do at that point?

Do you lie to yourself and continue trying?
Do you simply resign yourself to being unhappy?

Or should you just make the choice to be happy even if it means losing so much and starting over?

Life is not a gift given to be taken so lightly...

Life is given to be lived...to cry, scream, laugh, love, lose, hurt, succeed, and fail...

The heart wants what it wants but that does not mean it will get what it wants....
sometimes you must give your heart what it needs...

Life is ultimately beautiful and wondrous...

The pain allows you to know you are living...
The love allows you to know what pure happiness feels like...

I will always and forever wear my heart on my sleeve...
I will always make sure to be honest about my feelings...
I will never regret falling in love...

What I do regret...is not realizing sooner that I deserve better

Eye Opening Week

It's incredible how easily my life went from extreme happiness to extreme sadness...anger so deep it cuts into my very being. Why must people lie. Why must people forget that I was always there...
Is it so hard to just be honest?

Seems this big heart I was given will always get in my way...I don't know why or how I can possibly care this much but I do...

I wish I could learn to control my feelings...I've been hurt way too many times in my lifetime...I just can't take it anymore

I must learn to focus simply on my career and my son...nothing more nothing less...

Simple as that....