I've always thought myself to be a woman who knows what she wants. A woman who won't settle for less. A woman who deserves everything she wants and more.
Yet, I've noticed that I, like many others, make the same mistakes over and over again. Trying to hold on when I shouldn't. Hoping for Mr. Perfect and settling for Mr. Ehh. Thinking I have the one and little by little he breaks my heart and makes me feel that I am not good enough. Having men that ridicule my love for video games and rock and roll. My outlook on life being judged for not being like that of a "normal" girl and yet it's the "normal" girls that annoy them.
You see, we are all biologically wired to think these ways.
Women over think and over process things to the brink of insanity. We hear certain words and see ways that men react to us and start thinking that their feelings have changed. We think they're jealous, that they care and that we can allow ourselves to let them "in" to our hearts. If we are smart, we see it for what it is, cut our losses and learn. When we truly fall, it will take tears, pain and many moments of berating yourself to truly move on.
Men are simpler and just know what they like and try and try until they get it right. They cut their losses pretty easily for the most part. Yes men have their moment when a woman really gets under their skin but, mostly, they can just move on and hope the next one is theirs. See, men don't plan that every woman is the one, they just end up falling.
See, it doesn't matter how you meet someone or where you meet them, just that you don't continue your childish tantrums that cause you to being single. Wearing your heart on your sleeve doesn't make you stupid; it allows you to truly learn to love and lose. Every failed relationship or unrequited love simply teaches you what went wrong and how to make it work the next time. Have you ever stopped and truly asked yourself, 'what am I doing wrong?' Learn from your mistakes or you will be doomed to repeat them.
Many spend too much time looking for their list of "qualifications". Looks, job, car, every detail guided through a misconstrued list of what we "need". Never do we stop and realize if the person makes us feel special, if the person strives for greatness, and if this may be the true "love of our lives". You won't find the "one" by being choosy, you find them by giving someone a chance and allowing them to make mistakes to find their way to your heart. The person who may be "the one" could be the one you ignore because they lack some of your "qualifications". The person who may be the one could be the one you're ignoring for a very stupid reason.
It's also incredibly hard when you stop looking and find yourself face to face with the person you have always wanted. So many things in common, the conversation is just perfect, the time spent together is always amazing. Everything you have hoped for is all wrapped up into this one amazing human being. You realize you have fallen and let yourself tell them how you feel; only to realize; they don't like you the same way. You think they do because of misguided signals that were sent out, words spoken that should have never been spoken and moments that you never forget.
You hope that by showing your feelings they will realize you are such a great person for them, but sadly you simply get ignored. You're reminded that you are just a friend to them. Conversations just aren't the same anymore. You don't get happy anymore when they hit you up; every moment is a what if; what if he could see what he means to me, what if I had never told him anything...there we go again driving ourselves to the brink of insanity with questions.
At some point you realize that you have lost yet another battle...if someone wants you as much as you want them, trust that they will show you. If they don't, stop hoping and start moving on. It's very hard to let go of someone who fits you like a glove. Someone who makes your heart beat faster and slower with every touch. Every kiss makes your skin tingle. Every breath causes your senses to marvel at the glory that is this person.
Some things just aren't meant to be and it's okay. Life goes on and, in time, you will be okay. Look back on this moment, not with sadness, but knowing that it was a stepping stone towards finding that person that will "complete" you...
I may have lost this battle, but I will win this war...
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