I'm so tired...

I was told my entire life that I should be honest. That I should never be anyone but myself and never worry about what others think of me. I grew up afraid to be myself because I had been shunned. I finally came into who I really am at the age of 18. I opened my eyes and decided to always live how I so choose and that will make people accept me.

Little did I know this honesty would be my downfall. Time and time again I would meet a guy, let him know how I am and what I expect, only to see him toy with my emotions and disappear. I am so tired of the lack of respect. Just be honest.

I'm so tired of always being nice and being disrespected continually. I hate hearing that I'm "so different" that they had to cheat on me...wtf is that? How can I possibly be this nice and loyal but get treated like dirt because you can't handle it?

No one ever gives a flying fuck about my feelings...Its so easy to label me as a hoe, a bitch, a tramp and any other term used to judge a woman like me, but no one actually sees me for who I am. It's come to the point where it seems I'm going to have to suppress who I am to find one man on this planet that won't hurt me.

How is it that you can fill my head with words and treat me nicely only to disappear when I let you in. Why don't we just stop wasting time and you can be a man and tell me what you really want. I'm a grown woman and I can take it. I hate these games. I'm a good woman.

I know how a man should be treated. I want to do everything for a man. I bend over backwards to make a man happy and I feel like they just spit at my heart and walk away.

So my honesty is an issue? The fact that I want to please a man in every way makes me a bad person? I don't play games. When I am interested I am...thats it...no puzzles, no games, no deciphering female terminology, just pure interest. Yet I am cast aside and ignored for girls who are quiet and, yet, are doing worst things than I am.

Here's the kicker though...this is what truly pisses me off because it ALWAYS happens, I am ignored, cast aside..blah blah blah... THEN; some time passes and they come back with apologies and sweet words. -_____________-

I WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOU DID NOTHING!!!!!!!

Now I'm supposed to drop my life and run into your arms because you're back? You realized how easygoing, down to earth and "perfect" I am so you came back? Really?

I'm so over the games people play. Girls play so many games that women like me are misjudged yet wanted all at the same time. I tried to be nice and get labeled as trying to trap you into a relationship...so now I can't even send terms of endearment towards you to brighten your day lest it mean that I want to get married? Jesus, I was just being nice...

I'm cast aside for being sexual but when I'm nice, I am trying to force a relationship..smh...at this point I just don't want Love anymore...I'm tired of trying...tired of saying what I want and never getting it. I will NOT settle for less than I deserve and if it means going my whole life alone then so be it. I won't even worry about sending nice texts to others and showing my nice side. You want some girl to play games with then go ahead and play. I'm the kind of woman you come after when you want a real life.

I'm so tired...